Maniacs, Ritas, cell phones, and rubber legs

 This is a blog that rubberlegs posted.... I thought it was so funny I had to blog it.... This is entirely his work.

 

Fuck Cell Phones

Seriously.

I've never owned a cell phone that I really liked. No one does. You hate the one you have, you will hate the next one you have too. They all suck.

I killed mine last night. At Freddies I hit it with a butter knife, cracking the screen. I wanted to give it some character. Cell phone karma is a bitch, I guess, because later on I dropped it in the sink while doing dishes. It's dead now. It really didn't even get much water on it. They build them to self destruct, and charge your $200 for a new one, or you have to resign a contract to get a $50 rebate that never comes. It's a racket. Bend over, here's your new PCS, rather POS phone, it has a camera so after I shove it up your ass and activate it you can get a colonscopy too. That's 15 cents a minute, however. And if you shit out your phone before your contract is up you owe us $199. Thanks for shopping at Sprint!

I've lived almost 3 months now without a refridgerator, but I can't live one friggin' day without a cell phone.

Has anyone ever gone to a Sprint store because they wanted to? Nope. It has to suck to be a Sprint employee, everyone going into that store already hates you.

Had to vent.

 

 

cell phone mania c

Hmmm... should we start with the root? I need a new cell phone. Now... for the "normals" out there who don't get off on gadgets this is no big thing. You just wait around until the phone you've got breaks, stops working, or falls in the toilet. But for those of us nerdy enough to both know and want Bluetooth and ev-do. For those of us who almost feel shame when this gadget or that isn't as thin or doesn't have as many features as the next mans (think of it almost like reverse monster truck syndrome), It isn't that simple. You buy a phone, but the Bluetooth is crippled. You got your eye on another phone but its $400. You think, hey, I'll just switch carriers, and go with so, and so... but then you realize that it doesn't matter. No matter where you go the problems are all the same.... its enough to make you want to cry. Is it too much to ask to just be able to moblog for less that $400 down, and $60/mo? Is it too much to ask to just be able to transfer files from my phone to my computer wirelessly? IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK TO JUST BE ABLE TO TALK ON MY PHONE IN MY CAR, THROUGH MY CAR WITHOUT HAVING TO TAKE MY HANDS OFF THE WHEAL?!?

 

Its these types of feelings that are leading me down the path that my coworker recently went on. And hence we come to the word of the post. Maniac. My coworker would have at one time been considered ahead of the curve. Or at least on the leading edge of it. He had a sony erickson T608. It was one of the first phones with Bluetooth iirc. no camera, but still quite the little package. You had to order through some secret means because they didn't sell it in stores. He could take his phone and hook it up to his laptop (via Bluetooth) and go anywhere he could get cell phone service and be on the internet. Then one day in a fit of electronic rage he threw the phone against a concrete wall.... over and over again until it was not but pieces on the ground. Then he bought a new phone. No Bluetooth. No camera... no nothing... just a barebones phone. He hated it.... ever since then he has been going down the path of no electronic frills. No refrigerator, no a/c in his car. He then one day began throwing the new phone all around the room, he cracked the screen (intentionally) with a knife (to give it character) and eventually dropping it in a sink full of water and it too is now lost. This guy is on the blink.... let me tell ya.... He's a maniac.

 

anyway....what to do?.... I'll keep you up to date.... btw, I don't know who "you" is in that sentence.  "Her?"

 

 

Furr's

What is it about Furr's? I'm not sure if I like it or not. In general the food is alright. The price is definitely in the right spot... but for an all you can eat buffet of probably 40 different options, you just start to wonder how they manage that for only 6 dollars and 99 cents. I mean.... 10 different salads, 7 or so different entrées, 10 different sides and a myriad of deserts... you can eat all you want, and its only 6.99.

Perhaps its the fact that some of the dishes have never before been heard of .... Mexican meatloaf for example. My hunch is that they took the leftover meatloaf, and leftover enchiladas from the day before and just dumped one on top of the other (perhaps the worker who had this idea was Hispanic?). Perhaps its the fact that the "Salisbury steak" looks just like a burned hamburger with some watery juice instead of the traditional bun and fix'ns. Maybe this is what a Salisbury steak is.... I dont know... but whatever the case.... it looks cheap. Perhaps its the fact that 80% of the food there is either dry or tough. Perhaps its the fact that all of the desserts taste the same. Or, perhaps is the fact that the stench of old, cheap grandpa's with one foot in the grave around every corner is inescapable... each one eyeing you like you need a haircut... each one just one wrong look away from shaking their fist at you. I dont know.... I guess I'll continue to eat there from time to time at least until it makes me sick. Hell for 6.99 I'd dine on baby fingers (assuming it was socially acceptable).

If you put enough gravy on anything its bound to taste alright.

4,5,6 (the sequel trilogy)

4. I have found a meal (and dessert) from a chain restaurant that has made it into my top 5 of all time meals. The meal in question?... "What could it be?" you ask? Well... I'll tell you first that the name of the restaurant providing these mouth watering bits of orgasmic satisfaction is Chili's. That's right. They may "Grill like no place else" I don't know. What I do know is that the Chipotle Blue Cheese Bacon Cheeseburger (cooked medium rare) is quite possibly the best eating this side of chain restaurant world. It's Juicy. It's flavorful, it's just a little bit spicy, it's got the blue cheese kick, and for the love of god.... IT HAS BACON on it. It is the best hamburger I've ever had.... and I've gotten it about 6 times... and it is ALWAYS awesome. The desert in question is called the Molten Chocolate Cake, and it is warm chocolate oozing goo, surrounded by warm chocolate cake, topped with vanilla ice cream covered in hot chocolate and caramel sauce. There are no words to describe how nut bustlingly spectacular this dessert is.... so I wont try any further.... I only can beg you try it ... for the love of god, and your own desire you must try this cake.

5. While at lunch today (at chilis btw) with my friend Jennifer we got to talking. It turns out that her (10 yr old or so) cousin was visiting her mom. While there the 10 yr old (male btw) was sitting around playing with Jennifer's 20 something yr old brothers condom (not used I assume). The mom walks in to find out what this popping noise was. Turns out the kid was stretching and releasing the condom like a rubberband. The mom asks where he got it yada yada yada... it turns out the kid was out in the stream behind the house using the condom to catch minnows.... get it....  lol.... What are the odds he'd be using it for its intended purpose?

6. I was about to make myself some coffee a few moments ago when I realized in horror that my coffee cup had not been washed out since the list time I used it. It turns out that the coffee which was left over from about 2 weeks ago was now a layer of ... we'll call it "mud" about half an inch thick. I tried to wash it out in the sink but it was nothing doing.... even the hot water could not penetrate even 1/8 of an inch. I poked at it with a spoon for a bit with some luck and finally decided to pour some boiling water in there and let that have a crack at it. After letting it set for a few moments I began to mix the mud up with the hot water. Eureka! It was working.... partially. The mud began to peel up from the bottom in 1/2 round chunks that were brown with some bluish green layers.... After a few minutes of scraping and digging with a spoon I was able to get most of the chunks out... but at this point they had begun to clog up the plug hole of the sink. I began to mash at them with the spoon which did the trick, and after a few minutes and about 10 paper towels later I was ready to go. The strange thing is that my fingers now smell like mud (actually muddy dirty...) and not like coffee.... I wonder how much they actually had in common.... Do I smell an experiment?

Friendster is stupid

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red neck bbq

Me and the lady had a few minutes to kill, so I suggested we drive around and find a place to grab a bite.... Since we had no real destination in mind, we just kinda meandered about the fringes of her neighborhood looking for anything that wasn't "too ghetto". We finally ended up at La Paletaria or some such... which wasn't that good. I think I may have been to this place (same name different location) once before, and not been impressed.... alas, same old same old.... but this is not the meat of the story. On the way to La Paleteria we passed some sort of old winnebago camper thing from like... 1980 or something... old shitty brown paint and all that. The strange thing was, shapewise, it looked just like an ambulance. I began to wonder if one could convert an ambulance into a camper. Surely it could fit a bed. Could you use the defibrillator as some sort of food heating device? Do people get burned when they get defibribed? I wondered these things allowed to wendy. She didn't seem to care too much... If I recall correctly she made a mild attempt to amuse me with some sort of response.

I guess it had to happen sometime

And it happened to me twice...

My first run in with Mr. Porcelain....

2 beers +

1 shot of gin +

3 gin and juices +

1 shot of kahlua +

1/5 a bottle of wine +

1/5 a bottle of champagne

=

my limit

that all resulted in

watching 1 episode of wife swap

watching office space

3 blog entries (each more incoherent than the last)

3 games of telephone

and (although it took 12 hrs, and I had already sobered up for hrs by then) 2 unpleasant trips to V town.

At some point along the way there was also

1 screaming "crazy" drunk

1 "kept getting sick" drunk

and if I'm not mistaken someone somewhere ripped a towel holder off the wall....

so... 24 hrs later... was it worth it... well... seeing how I've spent most of my sunday either throwing up, or wishing I was dead.... I'm going to go with no.... but if I had stopped at say... 2 beers, and 1 shot of gin it would have been perfect.

Lets also not forget that I had already purchased tickets for the final UT basketball game of the season, for myself and Wendy but was too sick to use them =(

I think I'm going to try to keep these types of experiences to a minimum from now on.....

It should also be noted that in the previous entry.... I was typing that up on a laptop, and am not quite sure what "mouse" I was referring to....

what is there to miss about houston?

Not that I have really spent much time in houston. Ive only been there a time or two.... but I know that there isnt much to miss. The only thing good about houston is the purpoe sunsetsqeverything else is bad. Maybe I could have \\ gotten a little more money for working htere.... butts thas...fuck....whats is going onj.... im drink... i dont think i shold be trying to blogat this time....cqtc


carch; up w/ ya later... did i just try to crab mycell phone instead of the mouse?....

JIn and Juice

Is jin and juice just for "gagnsta's" or is it for everyone? I just had one.... pretty good.... does that mean I"m a gangsta? I dont think so... but that doesnt make it any less good does it? I had a shot of that gin before the juice mixture also.... shit burned on the way down. Anyway I'm also watching office space. Note to self, I need to go and buy office space. Is it just a movie that people watch while they are drinking?... or is it a movie for anytime? I thnk its the type of movie that I would watch at "any given sunday" and would especially watch it while drinking. Anyway... my eventual goal is to get polls going on this thing. If I do I'll take a poll to find out if I should buy Office Space or not.

I am a god warior

Is it just me or is Margaret Perrin the craziest woman on the face of the planet. I'm over at my friends house right now, and after eating an awesome meal of fillet mignon, mashed potatoes, and corn, we decided to sit down and watch the episode of trading spouses where the "god warrior" screams about demons, the dark side, and gargoyles. What a nut bag. She then proceeds to vomit because (or gag?) because of all the dark sided stuff going on. She screams like crazy about the nuttiest things ever.... Where do they find these people. The god warrior is granted the crazy one of the episode, but the other family is pretty much off the deep end also. Fluffy hair, fluffy dog, two family's get together brady bunch style and get married because they had similar match.com profiles. "When I saw the new moms hair I was like 'WHOA!'" Come on.... luckily the fluffy haired mom can "feel the energy", and apparently its good energy... because she didn't seem to concerned.

whats the deal with calamari?

I was shopping at HEB tonight, and just as I was checking out a kid (8-12 yrs) walks by weighing in around 120lbs. Normally I wouldn't think anything about this, but the fact that he had a McDonalds French fry tub (you know... cardboard cup thingy that fries typically come in at fast food restaurants) around his arm like a caste... or possibly some sort of "shield" or "energy bracelet" .... who knows. It was odd to say the least.

as far as the calamari title goes.... disregard that. I was testing sending in an blog from my cell phone, and as I happened to be eating calamari at The Cheesecake Factory at the time.....

Calamari though.... some parts stringy... some parts squishy, other parts kinda crunchy.... who ever thought to fry this up and serve it at every chain restaurant out there, and yet you never see it at "fancy" places.... just fried and swimming in grease....

1,2,3

Three things of interest.

1. On my drive home from work today I saw someone graffitiing (sp?) on the side of a wall by the road. I thought about honking or something, but decided he probably knew what he was doing... why do I need to go and bother trying to do something. I wondered what he was writing. It looked like chicken scratch... but I don't read gang and/or bum.... so it was difficult for me to really make out anything. I thought it was interesting that he chose to use a felt tip marker to try to mark the side of a concrete wall.... seems like you would only get a few letters off before the tip of the pen was shot... but once again.... what do I know of these matters.

 

2. My friend dolapo emailed me a link to this site where you get to watch cg boobs bouncing in various stages of activity from light to heavy in terms of bounciness. You could also select from various sizes of boob ... or is it braw size?... ranging from A to FF+G.... I'm not to sure on the American alphabet... but why not just go in order. Why is it that at the letter F, instead of just going to G for the next size whoever was in charge of these matters decided just to double up on the F's. In any event.... It makes for a good show if nothing else. You can look at it in wire frame mode too if that's your jimmy.

 

3. My friend Merete called me yesterday to tell me she got a haircut, and wanted my opinion on it. I wasn't quite sure what to tell her, as I had not yet seen it. I could have told her "I'm sure it looks just fine"... but I wasn't sure of that, so that's what I told her.... This seem to upset her.... and she then proceeded to tell me that "she thought I would think it looked okay." I then told her that "if she thought I would like, then I probably would".... this also seemed to upset her, but I'm not to sure on why.... eventually I ended up telling her that I would just say that I liked it when I saw her next, even if I didn't actually like it.... apparently this is exactly what she wanted to hear... and satisfied, that being the goal of the call (I presume) the call ended.

I hope I don't forget to say something the next time I see her, as I assume this would be the worst thing I could do....

Lent

If someone walks up to you and says "Lets choose each others lent sacrifices" what do you say? Me... as a non-Christian, non-religious, not carer about lent says "What.... wtf are you talking about", as I begin to turn away in the first stages of ignoring he repeats the question with further explanation. I'll choose what he gives up for lent, and he'll chose something for me. I'll take this moment to tell you that he is also not religious.... which btw had much to do with my initial confusion.

I take a minute to ponder and decided that it's time for him to get new shoes. The ones he has are in such disrepair that you'd be hard pressed to find a bum on the street to take a second look. The bottoms have holes, the tops are warn and tattered, and just the other day he was complaining about how his feet were all wet from water than had soaked into the bottom.

He has yet to get a new pair of shoes.....and he has yet to come up with my own lent give up...

Good idea with the lent swap there buddy....

 

Wig Split

There's one thing I really hate about haircuts. Is it possible to not itch all over your neck after getting one. The lady uses the little brush on your neck the blows the hair drier on you like that's supposed to do something. It doesn't. I then proceeded to spend the next 15 minuets brushing the little nanohairs off my neck and face in an attempt to keep myself from breaking out into hives. During the walk back from the haircut I noticed a hissing sound coming from a fire hydrant that I passed. I wondered if it would blow up or something from all the pressure. I guess well find out.

 

I realized just now while typing this what this blog is missing.... a theme. I cant just ramble off entries without some sort of goal. Though... since I have no real theme to my life... a themed blog in which each entry would have to be based would be quite the little challenge. Perhaps it would help me to focus my life..... as of now... the blog is what ive tried to focus on in the last couple of days.... Can a blog focus on itself, or does it just create an infinite loop of shit.... I'm thinking the late....

stay tuned for a theme.

 

 

 

this is a test.... the avg reader need pay no mind to the following

test

 

what does the world think about my blog?

mvitium: www.govitium.blogspot.com
Count Jimmula: your blog is pathetic
mvitium: i just started it today
mvitium: what do you want
mvitium: ?
Count Jimmula: i dunno
mvitium: lets see yours hotshot
Count Jimmula: fark.com
Count Jimmula: i don't have one
Count Jimmula: blogs are dumb
mvitium: its like a fine wine
Count Jimmula: you can quote me on that in your blog
mvitium: its bound to get better w/ time
Count Jimmula: you hate fine wine
Count Jimmula: you only like shitty dessert wines

Blog Ideas?

So... In an attempt to get ideas for later blogs I went perusing though the "Recently Updated" list of blogs on the blogspot start page. Boy... blogs suck.
In the first one, it could be boiled down to two things: 1. Picture of a chick w/ a nipple slip, and 2. Another picture of some slut with a shirt that says "I may not be Mrs. Wright, but I'll fuck you until she shows up."

In the second page we had some dude who rambled on about how he needs a hair cut. Which reminds me.... I need a hair cut... and thus we get to the main reason for this blog entry. Hopefully I'll read this tomorrow and remember to go and get one.

Is this blog worse than the last one?... I didnt think that would be possible.

better throw in some tiddies or something to spice things up...

What day is it?

Is it just me or is the damn summer all ready here? Was there even a winter?

Here it is... second day of March, and already I'm sweating my balls off because I can't bring myself to turn on the A/C this time of year. So far this year, I have warn my winter coat 0 times. I have warn my hoodie about 10 times, and besides that just normal shirt and jeans. Is it possible to get a winter in this god forsaken city? My coworker mike is happy I'm sure. I'll admit summer has got some (as mike says) "ticks" (as in add one tick mark for all the positive things about it), half naked chicks at Barton springs "tick", flip flop Friday "tick", and my personal favorite skirts "double tick". I just need a break from the heat, and this piddly winter we just had with all of one day below freezing is no break. Now I'm afraid it's back to more of the same. Wake up in a puddle of sweat, go to work and sweat, go to the gym and sweat, rinse (as in shower) and repeat. Is there such a thing as a "winter Canadian"?

.... hmmm... blog seems pretty stereotypical.... now that I've talked about the weather whats left.... have I hit the wall?.... how do people continue these things? Do they just talk about the seinfeldian drivel of their daily lives until they eventually die, or the space where they keep their blog begins do charge? ... I guess I'll find out.

does this work

This is a test of the emergency emailing system. In the even of a real emergency I would not have wasted time email a blog. Most likely I would have run (in a panic mind you) in the opposite direction of danger. This is just a test BLEEEEEEP

 

Neti Pot

"SEX Now that I've got your attention"
I can start my blog. Where to begin. First Blog.... hmmmm It has to be something great. Something to hook the reader as it were... or at least thats what some English teacher once told me. IIRC. Anyway I guess I'll just start with the past. About 4 hrs ago to be exact. I just bought a Neti Pot. (It should be noted that not only is this not me in the picture (I much hairier than that btw) but that is also not what my neti pot looks like... just a funny picture.) It's this fucked up device used for cleaning the snot out of your sinuses. Read all about it if you like. Basically you stick a spigot up your nose and dump salt water in one nostril and out the other. Strange little device. I'm not sure If I recommend it or not. You may or may not be the type to prefer "western" style remedies, but if your into that holier than thou shit it might be for you. Anyway, I used it this morning before I came to work... At first it cleared everything out. Then I kinda felt stuffed up for a few hrs. Now I think I breath pretty clearly out of each nostril.

Bla Bla Bla... anyway... what a shitty blog... and since my lunch break is over, its apparently isn’t going to get any better....